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Entry #32

I may kill myself..

2010-04-28 07:33:14 by Havayosunu

..and the reason is, wasting my life and talent in this industrial engineering school, which I chose myself! well actually, I didnt really choose it, when we were making the list of unis that I'd like to attempt after the uni entry test, I was listing electronics and architecture schools, but mom asked me if I'd like to add this industrial engineering school, and I said "mkay". dammit.. I never wanted to be an industrial engineer, they do nothing about engineering but have to learn all technical stuff!

but it s not that. even if I were in a proper engineering or architecture school, I still wuold have made the wrong choice; because the place that I had to be in, which unfortunately I realised after entering the uni, was ART SCHOOL!! but no, I was all like "I wantz to be an engie! I likez science!" in hi-school. dammit. What an idiot was I for not realising that I dont really have potential to be an engineer, even if I had, as you see, I fucking wrote that fucking industral engineering crap in the list and that fucking branch has NOTHING to do with engineering!! Fuck, I dont wanna be some white collar manager or something, I dont really want to be a tf2 style engie anymore either!! I want to be a professional artist!
of course I still can be; but school stuff won't let me do it freely! otherwise if I was studying in an art school, like, studying cartoons and stuff, I'd fucking shine!!
I have TONS of nice ideas that involve art and animations; but I can't make them happen because school makes me busy!! and even if i manage to finish this school and start a career as an artist, I will be a moron that wasted his five years in a school that he didnt really want to study in. and probably my ideas will become obsolete by then. well they may not be obsolete but...

...dammit.. I dont know.. well I may not end my life today; but I DO know that I'd live a much better life and would execute cartoons and stuff in my mind much easier. and seriously, I am wasting time in this school; and seeing that there s only one year left to graduate (or two), I tihnk I gotta complete this waste of time -_-

damn my idiotic decisions.

PS: I also won't be able to finish my pico flash by friday. dammit.


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2010-04-28 07:54:30

TL;DR, but sounds like Tim Jewell.

Havayosunu responds:

oh I too do TL;DR most of the time. but try to read pleas,e it s not that hard to understand, except grammar mistakes.


2010-04-28 08:06:06

I am a firm believer in; "No matter where you go, there you are."
Can't you try to take what you learn and incorporate your ideas and creativity into it?

Havayosunu responds:

well actually you are right, I already do. um.. I mean, I already have a webcomic idea in my mind. and you know what I will execute it this summer! oh yeah, at least my summers are always free, if you dont count the management training I will take this summer. but even it wont be much trouble, it lasts only 20 work days.


2010-04-28 09:23:43

Can't you just leave? Why kill yourself over something like that? If that school is really not the right place for you, get out of there, and you'll save plenty of time and money!

It doesn't sound like you're in a totally hopeless situation, so don't commit suicide, take action and leave!


2010-05-08 00:44:20

go home


2010-05-17 15:21:59

Rest in Peace, mate, where-ever you may be.


2010-05-17 16:01:22

Holy crap! This dude actually did kill himself didn't he?


2010-05-17 18:30:44

I don`t know if I believe in heaven or any other version of an afterlife; I don`t know if I should. However, I sincerely hope that wherever you are, you find peace.


2010-05-18 00:52:02

I miss you Havay
I'm sorry things turned out this way


2010-05-18 12:54:47

i always thought you were that gullible guy that always had fun in life never seen this from you before man i wish i could have talked to you man with the whole gang like the good ol days


2010-10-13 09:37:55

After reading a article on Test-object's page before he removed ,I'm sorry that it had to come to such circumstances that night... I'm sure it must not been what you would have wanted it to be. I often misunderstood such reasons why they would want to kill themselves but seeing that you've applied to the wrong type of class I think that would have been the smallest of your worries.


2010-10-27 15:51:29

You'll always be an hero to me.


2011-01-20 11:05:38

yosun abi sakin yapma xD


2015-04-26 11:15:01